Sometimes I want to order an ice cream sundae, but I’m usually too scared to. I want hot fudge or a brownie but don’t want to deal with people’s snarky comments. I also don’t want to deal with the potential guilt of the indulgence. But dang it, sometimes I’m just not satisfied with my plain old cup of frozen yogurt (I’ll be real, I’m normally too scared to get full fat ice cream) and want that gooey hot fudge goodness.
Sometimes I don’t want to deal with bread. So I leave them out of my meal (like breakfast today) or I eat all the fixin’s separate. Like tonight I had an “Elvis” sandwich sans bread- veg bacon, PB and a banana. And I think I probably enjoyed it more than if I’d thrown it between some bread
apple with cinnamon sugar-ed up cottage cheese
Sometimes I just want to have a pity party, give in to my emotions, and not even try to be rational. I just want to cry a bit and curl up with my stuffed bunny, who’s been there for the past 17 years of my life, or my teddy bear max, who i’ve had since i was born. Back in the fall when I was having a really hard time, my mom mailed him to me so I could have a little bit of home going through Hell with me 🙂
my bear max, friends fo life!
Sometimes I think I must be doing this whole blog thing wrong, because I see all these people’s blogs with tons of comments and wonder if I’m really as dull as I think I am. and then I remember that I do this for me, and I’ll make connections eventually. Blogging isn’t a popularity contest, is it? Plus it’s kinda like my online journal…and I don’t believe I can journal incorrectly, as it is my life. I do wish I could make more connections on here (and to all the people I have connected with- you’re awesome! Thanks for all the support!)
Sometimes I nibble on my food while grocery shopping, or drink my whole diet coke before sending it through the register. A thirsty girl needs her DC!
cedarline burrito and grapes...prime targets for nibblin!
Sometimes I watch TV marathons all day. Hello Kardashians and food network, you are SO addicting!
Sometimes I forget that it’s all gonna work out and hate myself for not sticking to “the plan”. I never anticipated taking time off from school, never thought I’d have to be hospitalized for my eating disorder, never though I’d transfer schools or be a part time student in the meanwhile. Days like today really test me, and I get so frustrated because I don’t know when I’ll graduate or from where. Because I just don’t have all the answers… I don’t feel like I have any. It’s easy to forget that God has a plan, I have a purpose, and someday I’ll understand how this is all working out for me. God is so great in that way.
Sometimes, you just gotta eat your peanut butter with a spoon. It’s just the best. Especially as a bedtime snack
Sometimes I wish my family were more religious. It’s hard for me to be a Christian and not them. It’s hard when my mom Wants to help me but doesn’t know what to say, when God’s truth would be perfect. I wish we went to church together or read the Bible together. I’m glad she accepts it now, which took years. I just wish my whole family knew Christ like I do. The family that prays together….
Sometimes I think I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I have amazing friends, a loving family and adoring heavenly father. No matter where I end up academically I’ll he receiving an incredible private education. I have my own car, more shoes and clothes than most. A roof over my head, a summer house, and an apartment for school. I even have a job! I have everything I could ever dream of (and a healthy body, even if I dislike how it looks). And despite all the other sometimes, I have learned:
EVERY day is a great day to be alive. And I want more life, I want to turn my sometimes moments of holding myself back into moments of fearlessness. I want to share my blessings and my faith, and trust in the Lord, and know that no matter what I will be okay. If I eat hot fudge or a slice of bread, if I transfer, if I don’t, if it takes me 20 years to graduate… I’ll survive. And I’m glad that’s an all-the-time fact 🙂
do you have any “sometimes” that you’d like to change?
at peace, not in pieces 
Great post, Rachel.
It must be very difficult to come from a family who isn’t “religious” but all the more power to you for staying strong to your faith. My boyfriend Will’s family is not accepting at all, and he struggles a lot with the issues of them literally putting down his beliefs.
Just stay strong! You’ve got a lot of believers here rooting you on 🙂
it’s definitely hard to have an unsupportive family. when i say my parents have come a long way i mean it. they used to FORBID me to go to church! it was a miracle that they let me receive treatment from a christian center, which has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. that definitely opened their eyes. thanks for the vote of confidence- i needed it today!